I think we really hit a turning point this month. We realized that the wedding is coming like a freight train, so we re-organized and re-focused. Everything seems to be on track. Both moms have now found their dresses and they are both STUNNING. The invitations are all printed, stuffed and ready to go thanks to my wonderful girlfriends who attended the invitation stuffing party. The favors have arrived and are ready to be “prepared”. Keith and I spent Valentine’s Day picking out our wedding rings and had a wonderful dinner to celebrate. We started talking about plans past the wedding and real life issues. That is when our future together began to crystallize for me.

    We hit a few tough topics. We talked about our finances a lot. We always knew that the wedding was going to set us back quite a bit but we never talked about the implications of what that would mean to us. We are both sensitive about the financial issue and have seen how finances can strain a marriage. I feel strongly about having independent accounts and shared financial responsibility and Keith feels strongly about co-mingling everything. We talked about that early in the engagement and had decided to keep separate checking accounts during the engagement with a joint money market account for wedding savings and expenses. We made a pact where we would each put a certain amount of money into the joint account each month. After seven months of this plan, I have not kept my end of the bargain because of some unforeseen expenses, which resulted in our first uncomfortable financial conversation. At the end of the conversation we learned how important it is to communicate about these things often, especially since it is a sensitive topic for both of us. The good news is, we made a new plan and are both fully committed to making it work. We started keeping a spreadsheet to track our expenses. We are even planning a semi-monthly “date” to talk specifically about finances. We still need to decide if we are going to co-mingle everything once we are married. We are starting to build our future.

    Similarly, we started shopping for apartments. We started one weekend just for fun to see what was available since it is still pretty early in the process. For the last few months we have entertained ourselves by making a list of all of the important characteristics our “married” apartment should have. The list included 2 bedrooms, close proximity to a major highway, a specified price range, a washer and dryer in the unit (are we spoiled or what?) and dog-friendly. The first place we looked at was absolutely perfect. It is a big yellow house with a wrap around porch and a turret. It has been split into three apartments, one per floor. Each room has large windows, which makes it bright and cheery (important for a happy marriage, we hear). It has two bedrooms, a large living room (with a WET BAR!), a dining room, a laundry room (with a full size washer and dryer), a large kitchen and plenty of closet space. It is in walking distance from town and it is in the low end of our price range. We asked about the dog, thinking it was too good to be true, and it was… no dogs. We asked them to run our credit anyway and said that we would re-think the dog decision. I was surprised that Keith was ready to throw away one of our criteria.

    We talked about it for awhile and I realized it was more important to Keith to have a great place than it was to have a puppy. In my mind, I have always seen the two together. (Keith jokes, “Christine, are you just marrying me so that you can finally get a puppy?”) Once I took the time to process, I realized that the perfect place would add to a successful marriage while a new dog could add to the stress of a new marriage. So, we decided to call Mike, the Realtor, and tell him that we wanted the place anyway. He said he would talk to the owner and get back to us. Well, in our hesitation another couple signed the lease and we lost the place.

    The hunt continues and Keith is the lead hunter. This is his strength so I have let him run wild. Many realtors are now trying to convince him that we should buy a place rather than rent. Keith and I have repeatedly had the discussion that we are not ready to do that both for the financial reasons, and the emotional reasons. I think I have convinced him of that for good now. We will revisit the issue on our one year anniversary.

    So, the path is paved and our growing future lies before us. We are building and strengthening our partnership. Each day, week, and month that passes, we are creating the foundation on which this marriage will be based: open communication, mutual respect, friendly issue resolution and an equal commitment to both our friendship and our romance. My heart flutters when I think of the excitement that lives in the years that have yet to unfold before us.