Tips and Advice for Second-Time Brides [ Submit a Tip and/or Advice | Second-Time Brides Index | Tips & Advice Index ]

Enjoy It As A First-Time Bride Submitted by: J. T. of Bigelow, Arkansas Forget your first through the thirtieth if at all possible. Make this wedding your "first." Grooms-to-be do not like to hear about your previous marriages nor do they want to think about your previous husbands. Honestly, do you?! So be a new, fresh bride again. Wear white, if that be your choice. And above all, enjoy the day.

Have It Your Way Submitted by: Beckie C. of Deltona, Florida Don't worry about what everyone will think, plan a dream wedding if you want. It's YOUR day, not theirs. So what if you've done it before. You haven't done it before with THIS marriage!

Not To Each Other Submitted by: Anonymous Bliss!™ Reader Remember this. You might have been married before, but not to each other! Treat your special day as exactly that. It is a first for the two of you together!

Enjoy Yourself Submitted by: Maggie of Sanford, Florida For the second time bride or groom (or 3rd, 4th, etc.), enjoy yourself and don't worry about the little things. You are lucky enough to find a person who loves you for you, probably better than the first time around! Life is too short (I know, we hear this all the time!), but live each day to the fullest!

Involve Your Children Submitted by: Roxanne of Wapello When getting married again... share the moment with your children. They will feel more like a part of the family when they are the ones who give you away. And give them a ring during the ceremony committing your love to the family. Let them know they will always be loved and never pushed aside for the new spouse. Enjoy your lives together and remember what makes the whole family is love.

Second Marriage for Both Submitted by: Judy of Dartmouth, Massachusetts, USA My fiance and I are planning our wedding. It will be the second wedding for both of us, having both been married for 20+ years to our ex-spouses. I can't tell you how many times friends/families have inferred that this time, (of course) "it will be a small, simple event. After all, "We've already had a wedding once..." Do they think that this time we don't think our relationship is special and want it to last forever? Do they think we're no more excited, or our love is anything less than if it were the first time? If anything, we're older, know what our priorities/expectations are, know what's really important, etc. While we are planning a small wedding, we are planning an event that reflects us... our renewed hopes, dreams, senses of importance, commitment and love for another. We've vowed not to hold to any foolish superstitions alive this time, but to have the kind of wedding WE want. We don't care what anyone else will think, and are planning an event that will be totally US. My 18 year old daughter will be my maid of honor, my 19 year old son will give me away. Both, we feel testament to their acceptance of their new stepdad. My advice to all you second timer... do it your way... make this YOUR wedding... and celebrate as YOU see fit. We will!

General Tips Submitted by: Christina S. of Cedar Rapids, Michigan, USA As a second-time bride and wedding coordinator/consultant specializing in second weddings, I will offer the following tips: A) You and your fiancé should sit down together and really talk about what is important to you to have in your wedding. Narrow it down to five details. It will involve compromise! B) When talking about the plans for the wedding, set a time limit for the discussion. In doing this, you are more apt to hold his attention and get feedback. He will know that it won't go on and on and on. C) Make sure you take time for yourselves by going on dates. Make plans to "date" after you are married. D) If there are kids involved, try only to be a friend — at least courteous — even if they are horrible. E) Discuss goals and expectations of each other and of yourselves. Do NOT assume you know what the other wants. F) Plan to get away after the wedding for 2 days without interruptions — whether in a tent or a 5-star hotel. G) Do not forgo a special wedding night — you only have one! H) I really recommend having pre-maritial counseling. It provides a neutral setting for discussion. It can be a voice to ideas/suggestions/problems/solutions. As for planning itself, do what is meaningful for you. Personalize your wedding, big or small. Surround yourselves with those who honestly have your happiness at heart. Best Wishes!

Alternatives to an Expensive Wedding Gown Submitted by: Kim of Fayetteville, Georgia, USA For a second time wedding, forget the pressure of buying another overpriced "poofy" gown and concentrate more on reflecting your personal style. For winter, try a holiday style gown in a champagne color or mix and match the new great looking formal separates. You will end up spending around $250 as opposed to $1000 and up and you will look like YOU and be comfortable on your wedding day!

Floral Presentation Submitted by: Marlee C. of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, USA It was a second marriage for both of us. We had the ceremony and reception in our backyard. For one of the floral arrangements by the "altar", we had 13 people (parents, brothers, sisters, and our grown children) come forward with a flower that they were given before-hand. As the minister called their name and explained to our guests who they were, he named the flower and what it represented. The Pansy and Phlox represent tenderness, thoughtfulness and souls united. The Lavender and Yucca symbolize loyalty and yours until death. The Lily of the Valley and the Ivy signify the return of happiness and being true. It was very meaningful and now I have this beautiful arrangement on my coffee table. (They were all silk flowers.)

Involving the Kids in the Ceremony Submitted by: Corey of Phoenix, Arizona, USA This is the first wedding for my fiancé and my second. He and my two boys have totally accepted each other. We all feel that it is extremely important to include the children (mine are 6 and 8) since this is their new family, also. On the invitations we have a picture of all of us, and in the passage it has the boys inviting everyone to the marriage of their mother, instead of the traditional parental invitation. All the attendees have complimented us on this. Also, to further include them, my eldest son will walk me down the aisle. My father thought this was a wonderful idea and doesn't feel a bit left out. My youngest will be the traditional ring bearer. Finally, after the our vows to each we are bringing the boys up and will recite vows which states that their new step-father promises not only to be a husband to me, but a loving parent to them as well. We are all very excited and the boys feel this is their wedding as much as it is ours. (And it is!!)

Go For It! Submitted by: Bridget of Middlebury, Connecticut, USA I was a second-time bride, in addition to being the mother of a toddler with my fiancé. My first marriage was when I was 18... young and very stupid. I eloped and married barefooted and in my jeans. This time around, I wanted a "real" wedding. If you are in the same situation, there will be people who will tell you that a second-or-more time bride who is a mother shouldn't wear white, wear a veil, go on a honeymoon, have a big reception, etc. You will probably get the lecture about "taste" and what is "proper" from some "well-meaning" person. My advice is - FORGET and IGNORE IT. My husband and I got married in a destination wedding in CA, overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge on a gorgeous sunny day. I wore an elegant designer bridal gown with a traditional veil and carried a huge bouquet of exotic flowers. Since it was "just us" at the ceremony, we went for dinner afterwards at a restaurant overlooking the ocean and Pacific sunset. Our reception, which was 2 weeks after we returned home, was very elegant and large scale, and we each wore our wedding clothes. Since we both have professional jobs and can afford to do so, nothing was spared. My husband was never married before, and he had as much right to the "big deal" as anyone else. It's 2001, and we can all have our weddings our way.

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