The Chinese-American Wedding

Traditional Chinese weddings are lengthy, complicated affairs. Today’s Western-born Chinese are blending local traditions with Chinese customs for unique, personal festivities that honor their heritage.

Why are American-born Chinese including so many customs from the motherland? “First and foremost, we want to acknowledge our heritage and honor our families,” says Vicki. She and her fiancé are both first generation Chinese-Americans planning a May wedding. “We also want a unique experience for our guests,” she adds.

There are countless Chinese wedding customs, so Western brides have much to choose from. Some of the most commonly practiced are:

1. The color red. Incorporating red into the decor and attire is probably the most commonly used Chinese symbol in Western weddings. The color represents joy and happiness and is considered good luck for the couple. Patricia, an Argentinian-born Chinese-American bride who recently married an American (she is also the Director of Events at www.orchidweddingsandevents.com), incorporated red into everything from the flowers to the place cards to the food. “In keeping with the theme, we had the wait staff serve raspberry sorbet between the appetizer and entree,” she says.

2. Table toasting. It’s a Chinese tradition for the bride and groom (and sometimes the rest of the wedding party) to go around to each table and make individual toasts. Patricia and her husband David wouldn’t have dreamed of excluding this. Nor would Vicki and her fiancé. “It’s a great way to thank your guests and for guests to see the new couple up close,” says Patricia.

3. The tea ceremony. For Vicki, the tea ceremony (where tea is shared with both sets of parents and senior relatives) was the most essential tradition to follow. “It's important that we honor our parents, grandparents and uncles/aunts who helped raise us,” she says. “Although it'll be held in front of everyone, I feel like this is a really intimate and emotional moment and will be one of the few rare moments where we can recognize our family members individually in what will probably turn out to be a very busy, whirlwind day.”

4. The attire. Often, a Chinese-American bride will wear three outfits over the course of the day. An outfit for the tea ceremony, a white wedding dress (for a traditional Western ceremony) and the traditional cocktail dress, called a QiPao, for the reception. Some brides will have the attire shipped in from China, others buy it in the States. Says David, Patricia’s husband, “for Chinese Americans, they are never too far away from a friend, relative or contact who knows where to get anything Chinese.”

5. The Double Happiness symbol. A Chinese character that symbolizes the couple’s love and joy, called Double Happiness, is on display at Chinese weddings in both China and the U.S. The symbol can be printed on invitations, save-the-dates, place cards, menus, iced on the cake – anywhere. It’s a beautiful and simple way to express their joy.

6. The banquet. Every Chinese wedding is followed by a banquet. Here, couples often serve Western food among Chinese decor. Or they serve a combination of American and Chinese dishes so every guest can find something they like. But others will serve mainly the traditional foods, allowing non-Chinese guests to get a true taste of the Chinese culture. They’ll start with shark fin soup and serve a dinner that comes in many courses and lasts all night. Often, the food is symbolic: there is fish to help bring the couple wealth, pig to symbolize the bride’s virginity, and pigeon to ensure a peaceful marriage.

Of course, each couple is different and each will find personal ways to include their heritage in the big day. Vicki and her fiancé are tucking gift cards for a local Chinese bakery into invitations. Patricia and David played Chinese games, like passing a raw egg from the bottom of the groom’s pants and out through his neck collar – the same is then done to the bride. The important part, for most couples, is finding some way to honor their culture.

Karissa O'Reilly is a freelance writer who lives in Connecticut.