Top 10 Wedding Myths by Cheryl Gabiola Galvez

   A bride and groom enter the wedding planning phase with a handful of advice from family and friends who have acquired their knowledge first-hand, through word-of-mouth, or by simple assumptions. By revealing which is fact and which is fiction and by explaining the truth behind each of our Top 10 Wedding Myths below, we hope to lessen the unnecessary stress and anxiety often experienced when planning a wedding.

10. Alcohol must be served in order for your guests to have a good time
While it is certainly true that wedding guests will loosen up a bit if alcohol is served, it is not a requirement to offer alcohol at the reception. Pure financial reasons may preclude the bridal couple from offering any alcohol. After all, alcohol always increases the bill no matter if it's an intimate dinner between two people or a wedding reception of 100 guests.

9. As the bride or groom, you must pay the lodging for your attendants as well as for out-of-town guests
The debunking of this myth falls in similar lines as Myth #8 below. If the bride and groom can afford it, then their guests should consider themselves lucky to have such a wonderful and generous gesture bestowed upon them. However, this tradition is no longer the norm.

8. As the bride or groom, you must pay for the attire of each of your attendants
Traditionally, the bride and groom pay for the attire of each female and male bridal party member. Due to changing times and, more importantly, financial reasons the cost of the dress, tuxedos and shoes fall on the bridesmaid or groomsman. Unless the bride or groom mentions it from the get-go, the bridesmaid and groomsman should assume that by agreeing to be in the wedding party she/he is willing to shell out some "green." To help ease the financial burden, the bride or groom may offer to subsidize the cost of the dress or tuxedo. However, this type of an arrangement should be discussed or explained from the very beginning.

7. The Maid-of-Honor must be a female and the Best Man must be a male
Having a female Best Man or a male Maid-of-Honor is becoming more generally accepted. Gender no longer plays a significant role when deciding who gets cast. The best person standing by the bridal couple's side should be their best and truest confidante (next to their future spouse, of course!). If their next best friend happens to be of the opposite sex, so be it. After all, it does not make sense to offer the role of BM or MOH to someone who is not a close buddy just because he or she is the right gender.

6. Siblings of the bride and groom must be members of the bridal party
It is assumed that the brothers and sisters of both the bride and groom will automatically play a significant role in the wedding - as members of the bridal party. In addition, since a marriage is often not just the uniting of two individuals but also of two families, the groom's sister should be one of the bridesmaids and the bride's brother should be one of the groomsmen. However, there are many brides and grooms who do not have close relationships with their siblings. Ideally, brides and grooms should put aside their differences with their respective siblings for that one day and extend them the honor of being a member of the bridal party. But, even that may be out of the question for some. What it boils down to is that the role of being "bridal party member" should be offered to female and male family members and friends who mean the most to the bridal couple. It is ultimately up to the bride and groom as to who gets the coveted role of maid/matron of honor, bridesmaid, best man, or groomsman - even if that means omitting a sibling or two. Even though the sibling will not be a member of the wedding entourage, he/she can certainly play another less visible role (ie: reader or emcee).

5. A guest has up to one year to send you a wedding present
This myth is a product of an old wife's tale and a perfect excuse for the chronic procrastinator. Ideally, a wedding guest should send a gift prior to the day of the wedding. The wedding gift should be sent to the home of the bride or her family. The wedding gift can also be brought to the wedding reception - there usually is a gift table set up somewhere in the room. However, to avoid risking loss or placing any burden on people to transport the gifts from the reception site back to the bride's home, it is best if the gifts are sent prior to the wedding.

4. The bridal couple has up to one year to send a thank you card to the guest
Yet another age-old myth and an inexcusable action of the bride and groom. For wedding presents received prior to the wedding day, thank you cards should be sent immediately. For wedding presents received on or after the wedding day, thank you cards should be sent immediately. However, within 3 months is a pretty acceptable timeframe to send out all thank you cards. Thank you cards for pre-wedding festivities (bridal shower, engagement party) should also be sent out immediately after the event.

3. Brides and Grooms should expect to receive gifts from their guests
While it is highly likely that each invited guest will offer a wedding present, the bridal couple should never expect to receive one. It is easy for some couples to feel hurt or slighted when they've realized that some guests attended the wedding empty-handed. Guests are invited to join in the celebration, not to subsidize the wedding or the new home. How does one handle this? Certainly by not invoicing the guest (yes, I have heard that a bride and groom did, in fact, do this). In the thank you card, the bride and groom should simply thank the guest for attending their wedding and witnessing such a special moment in their lives. After all, the presence of a guest should be enough of a present for the bridal couple.

2. The monetary value of a guest's gift should equal or exceed the monetary value of his dinner plate
Nothing can be further from the truth. A few days after the wedding when all the gifts have been opened, some bridal couples sub-consciously (or consciously) compare the monetary value of the gift received to the cost incurred to feed the guest at the wedding reception. Don't do it! It's easy to say "I spent $150 per head and all I got was this lousy towel set!" Remember: a wedding is not a fund-raiser. It was the bridal couple's decision to spend that much per head. It was a bad assumption on the couple's part to think that they could spend beyond their financial means because they would "recoup" the expenses. Guests are primarily invited to help witness and celebrate an auspicious event, not to give gifts. Contrary to popular belief, a wedding is not quid pro quo. It's the thought of the gift that counts.

... and the number one wedding myth (insert drum roll here)...

1. The bridal party must have an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen
Many bridal couples have this preconceived notion that there should be the same number of bridesmaids as there are groomsmen. Because of the odd number, to-be weds claim that their formal wedding pictures will look "weird." Brides and grooms also cite that every female attendant should walk down the aisle with a male attendant. While traditionally there exists a 1:1 ratio between bridesmaids and groomsmen, the bridal couple must step back and ask themselves if they are willing to sacrifice, in order to have an even-numbered bridal party, the true meaning of why they asked these special individuals to stand by their side. Having an un-even number of bridal party members allows the bridal couple to get creative. The easiest solution is to simply have all the groomsmen and best man stand at the altar at the beginning of the processional. Then, the bridesmaids and maid of honor walk down the aisle in pairs or in a single file line. If there are more bridesmaids than there are groomsmen, then have each groomsman escort a pair of bridesmaids. The bottom line is that the females and males standing at the altar should represent those who are closest and dearest to the hearts of the bride and groom.

Cheryl Gabiola Galvez is Editor of Bliss! Weddings. Cheryl's sister in-law was the "Best Man".