The Silent Ceremony: A Look into Quaker Weddings by Paula Ganzi Licata

"No officiant leads the service. The ceremony begins with silent prayer and continues until the couple stand, join hands and make their vows to each other."

    "My love life is like a Quaker wedding, short periods of activity with long periods of silence between!", commented a non-Quaker guest at Mary Eagleson’s Quaker wedding.

    Quiet reflection is the order of the day. The traditional Quaker wedding is simple and informal. The couple enter the meeting of worship together; the bride isn’t given away by her father. Dress is simple — a Vera Wang gown is nowhere to be seen. Quakers, also known as the Religious Society of Friends, believe that only God can join two people. No officiant leads the service. The ceremony begins with silent prayer and continues until the couple stand, join hands and make their vows to each other. Then they sign the marriage certificate, which is read aloud by an Elder. The congregation settles back to silence. Guests may offer blessings aloud, but only if moved to do so. Handshaking ensues, prompted by an appointed guest, signaling the end of the ceremony. All present bear witness to the wedding by signing the certificate, which is later framed and hung in a prominent place in the couple’s home.

    Mainstream/non-Quakers may find the silent ceremony spiritually uplifting or agonizingly awkward.

    Recently, however, simplicity, the core of Quaker tradition, has given way to small flourishes of embellishments. "My wedding will be ‘Quaker with a twist,’" said Jill Miernick, who is getting married in September 2001 - and having a wedding party. "In a strict Quaker wedding there is no wedding party." The couple enter together, giving themselves freely. "I appreciate the freely part but I have a close relationship with my Father, he will walk me into the meeting house."

"All present bear witness to the wedding by signing the certificate, which is later framed and hung in a prominent place in the couple’s home."

    "We had one bouquet of flowers in a turquoise pitcher in the Meeting Room," said Anne Wright. "Years ago there would have been no decorations at all."

    Jennifer Chapman was married in a Quaker wedding on September 16, 2000. She wore a floor-length, strapless white dress and carried flowers. There were flower girls, too. "When a 4-year old tells you she wants to be a flower girl, how can you say no?"

    Rings are not traditionally exchanged, but many couples today choose to do so.

    Despite modifications, Quakers speak lovingly of their traditions, in particular, their certificate. "Ours hangs on our living room wall and is a cherished reminder of the spirit of our wedding," explained Tom Head. This priceless possession speaks volumes about the couple’s lifestyle. Similar to their ceremony, it does so silently.

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Quaker Weddings
The Religious Order of Friends