Bridal Showers by Proxy by Jan McDaniel

"Shower guests arrive with gifts unwrapped... the hostess may phone the bride so the guests can take turns describing her gifts. At the end of the party, the gifts are wrapped."

   What's a bridal shower without the bride? Not much, thinks one wedding consultant. "What's the purpose?" asks Ann Nola, director of the Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants, chuckling over the idea. She calls it ridiculous. "One reason to attend a shower is to meet the bride in person and get to know her before the wedding. Otherwise, it's a gift-wrap session. We're all so darned busy. This is the last thing I'd be interested in."

   But long-distance showers are happening today. With more brides planning their weddings by long-distance, bridesmaids back home are throwing showers minus the guest of honor. Shower guests arrive with gifts unwrapped. At some point, the hostess may phone the bride so the guests can take turns describing her gifts. At the end of the party, the gifts are wrapped. Later, the hostess either sends them to the bride or puts them aside for her.

   "It was fun," recalls Michigan housewife Pattie Taylor, who recently attended such a long-distance shower. She enjoyed the family get-together and socializing. "This way we all got to see what we would all have been sending her anyway. We had it as a barbecue in the back yard at my cousin's house. We each showed everyone our unwrapped gift, then wrapped it and gave it to my cousin and his wife to take home to their daughter."

   Although etiquette guru Emily Post may never have envisioned showers sans bride in her 1945 Blue Book of Social Usage, she defined the sole object of a shower as to shower the bride with presents. So does it really matter then whether she's there? To some guests, it might. Wedding consultant Marcia Coleman-Joyner of A Joyous Occasion, says she's not familiar with the concept, but if it works, great. Although she adds, "I can't imagine a shower without the beauty and excitement of the bride opening gifts and sharing."

   The bottom line, concludes consultant Laura Bauer of Elegant Events Ltd., is that according to proper etiquette, the bride and hostess really should work out a way for the bride to attend her shower. Even if she lives out-of-town, the shower can be scheduled to coincide with a pre-wedding visit for a dress fitting or other appointment. It doesn't have to be held months or weeks in advance. "The shower can be held as close as a couple days before the wedding," says Bauer.